| Click here to download an application. Program participants and graduates are sharing NVC in their communities throughout the U.S. and Canada, as well as Cambodia, Estonia, France, Germany, Japan, Kenya, Scotland, South Africa, Sri Lanka, and Thailand – and many are also sharing NVC beyond their own regions. They have shared NVC in work places, government and non-governmental organizations, prisons, schools, hospitals, on the streets, and practically every other imaginable situation. They have also started leading their own retreats and even NVC leadership programs. Below are a few of the many amazing stories and accomplishments of our graduates. NVC in Cambodia - Dennis McMahon, LP 2006 NVC in Ukraine - Martha Young, LP 2007 NVC with Youth and Police - Bob Yamtich, LP 2007 NVC in Sri Lanka - Jeyanthy Siva, LP, 2002. www.sandhi.org NVC and Diversity - Four Leadership Program graduates from 2002 through 2005 http://diversity.learnnvc.com/
NVC in Cambodia Most of the work I am doing is with groups of Cambodians, and the road to learning and integration of the skills is much slower [than with Westerners], partly because of the language and cultural barriers, but mostly due to how traumatized the society is here, and how insecure most people are about sharing their feelings and concerns. The work that I am doing here is fascinating to me, and very likely the most challenging experience in my life. In order for people to share deeply and authentically, there is a strong need for safety, and that is not a sensation that many Cambodians are accustomed to. The power differential that people are operating under here often makes some of the most basic disagreements a source of great fear and anxiety. I am so humbled by many of the examples that arise in our trainings, where a participant is deeply yearning to address a given situation, but wracked with fear at the very thought of even initiating a discussion. In many of these situations, the consequences may be the loss of a job, or even real physical harm. So, we will often re-play secenarios three – four - or five times before we arrive at an approach that they might feel comfortable using in their own situation. But in spite of the work, we often arrive at viable strategies for navigating some of those most challenging situations. And for the others cases, I am faced with the recognition that NVC, as a communication skill, only works where there is a relationship or some willingness for dialogue. This seems like a no-brainer, but the power dynamics here prevents many needed dialogues from ever even starting. NVC in Ukraine The essence of all my NVC work now is devoted to what I learned from Miki and Inbal about empowering people to understand their needs and make political choices for themselves instead of trying to influence them. I have many many Republican friends and many many Democrat friends... and I have been called a cheap prostitute, traitor, misguided, naive...etc by both sides. BUT, I try to listen for the needs. The Peace Group in Grosse Pointe was one of the most violent groups I ever went to. When I suggested some years ago that they try to "send love" to Donald Rumsfeld as a human being- no matter what their opinion of his actions... I was almost lynched. Right now in Ukraine, I am working with political actors. I work with a campaign team of almost 100% men who could have better communication skills, to say the least, and who tend to yell and enjoy hierarchy. They generally have extremely conservative political beliefs. I am trying to understand them. When they say to me "You must think I am an asshole"... I honestly have empathy for them and say "You have one of the most stressful jobs to do, so I can understand why you might yell". Sometimes, I don't have empathy to start and I just get upset and mostly bite my tongue... and sometimes just "lose it". I am making progress in trying to listen to them ...I hope. It is a process. This is how I want to apply NVC for the rest of my life- creating real political dialogue so all people of the world have a voice in their government. I hope to work creating understanding among people of different cultures, rather than contributing to misunderstanding. NVC with Youth and Police I was present for something amazing during a workshop on Nonviolent Communication led by Nancy Kahn at the Alameda Point Collaborative, a place of transitional housing for families receiving various social services. Three people, aged fourteen to sixteen, joined me outside for a small group introduction to guessing needs using NVC-based feelings and needs "Grok" cards. A man wearing sunglasses in a black uniform with a badge saying "Alameda Police" approached; we were within earshot of the still running engine of the vehicle he left. One of the three students walked in the opposite direction saying "I hate the police." She returned, and the officer said something I remember as: "I'm offended." I asked if he would be open to participating in an activity with us where we would ask what was important to him. He selected a feeling of "concerned" and the three teens and I asked questions such as "Are you feeling concerned because you need appreciation?" The student who left and returned chose a format of just guessing the need: "Is your need for competence involved?" Needs cards he picked up from the guesses laid at his feet included being seen for who he is and acknowledgment. He wanted us to know that he received an award for valor for facing a person with a gun in response to a 911 call, and that he would rush in and risk his life to help us if we called 911. He guessed that the person who walked away may have had a tragic experience with a law enforcement officer. He said "I get that there are bad cops; I know some. But isn't it like racism to just judge me. Is this process worth it, can't I just say I want you to be more open-minded?" After more reflections and needs guesses, I asked if he had a sense that we heard what was important to him, and he said "I can't know that, but I hope so." Six minutes into our nine minute visit, he removed his sunglasses. He told me, "Whatever book you read is a good book." I gave him my business card, and he handed me his. I said that my need for hope and inspiration was met because I had a sense that people tapped their courage to start building a bridge of connection across differences in age and structural power. During my stay with the San Quentin Teaching Team, I remember a vague wondering of how to better support returnees and their families. Now, through a different entry point, I have met more people with family members living in prison. In just three days thus far, I have had multiple and various experiences of inspiration and hope. I’m looking forward to three more days of contributing through NVC coaching /empathy support/ leadership development in Alameda next week, and we are exploring possible continued support.
|
