Do We Call Our Work Nonviolent Communication or Compassionate Communication?
by Mary Mackenzie

I've read the following quote by Miki Kashtan over and over and I really love what it says - courage and fierceness. I like the clarity and honesty of this. I also remember Marshall saying something like: Murder is the easy way out.

Quote from Miki Kashtan: "Compassionate" doesn't connote for me the courage, the vulnerability, and the truth-telling aspects of nonviolence. I want that fierceness to be part of what we bring to the world.”

Lately, I've been thinking about teaching nonviolence or peace. My work in local peace movements has made me aware how few people share my version of nonviolence. NVC taught me a way to live in nonviolence (or at least to strive for this) AND power (personal power I mean not power-over). And to be more honest when I'm not living those values.

Deepening layers of the reality of my own violence reveal themselves to me each year as I continue to live in NVC and as I continue my other spiritual practices. I remember Susan Skye telling me once (when I had about a year of NVC and thought I had nearly "arrived" - HA!) that we're all baby giraffes until we've been teaching NVC for 10 years.

As I watch myself year after year become more aware of my own violence that I hadn't previously recognized as violence, I begin to understand what Susan might have been referring to. So, I'm intrigued about helping others to dialogue or to understand or to open their minds to a broader interpretation of nonviolence and the power of it. And, from there to commit themselves to living peacefully within their own sphere of influence - to take individual positive action toward world peace.

These days I think of violence as the norm so much so that we don't even think about it except in extreme cases of physical violence. Even then, we are so inured to it - or I'll say that I can be inured to it. So, the term nonviolence sounds so big and gritty and impossible, yet that's my goal. I don't care that it's a negative term because I don't have a better alternative that truly says the bigness of what I strive for which is to be utterly and completely honest about all the ways that I am violent to myself and others and to make different choices. The word compassionate doesn't hold the same "fierceness" for me either.

Thanks and love,
Mary Mackenzie

June 2012: Mary Mackenzie is the author of Peaceful Living: Daily Meditations for Living with Love, Healing and Compassion, an inspiring book that offers new practical methods for creating peace in our everyday lives. Mary holds a master’s degree in Human Relations from Northern Arizona University and is a CNVC Certified Trainer of Nonviolent Communication. She is also a trained mediator. Mary’s first career was as a fundraiser in higher education, where her listening skills helped people realize their dreams and helped her raise millions of dollars for the universities where she worked. In these development positions, Mary saw herself as a bridge between the donor and the recipient, always seeking and finding solutions that were satisfying to all parties. She ended this fifteen-year career to begin work with the newly-formed Peace Workshop, International, where she is currently the executive director. Mary’s guiding vision is to live in alignment with her Creator’s direction by helping people fully connect to themselves and their world so that they may experience more peace. Toward this end, she teaches Nonviolent Communication to individuals, couples, and families, and offers retreats and workshops to help organizations strengthen their productivity and success.